Monday, June 28, 2010

From Blue to Green


All around me I am being confronted with the fragility of the human body. Everyday a friend comes to tell me of another family member with cancer, another stroke, another baseball to the eye. Sometimes the sadness of it and my inability to help them rolls me up into an angry little bowl of frustration. Can we really be this susceptible to injury and disease? My own body struggles to fight a virus and fails, leaving me aching in bed, sad and blue, unable to get out into the garden and take care of all the green that is just as fragile as my own human form.

I gaze out at my browning Carissa plants and am reminded of the Pygmies (also known as the forest people) of Africa.
They classify the death of a loved one in three phases; “dead”, “completely/absolutely dead”, and finally “dead forever.” “Dead forever” being the stage when the pygmies would throw themselves onto the ground with demonstrative wailing and flailing of arms followed by three months of mourning including dancing, singing until dawn and offerings of bananas to the sacred Molimo instrument.
Looking at the brown twigs that line my drive, I hate to admit it, but someone better find me a Molimo.
Fragile little things, the Carissa and I…

When feeling powerless over your universe I always find it helpful to take one area of your life and become overly obsessive about it. In doing so one can hopefully dive into a fantasy of imagined control. (Oh, sweet delusion, you are my friend.)

In lieu of the increased cases of illness around me and in me I turned my focus to health and wellness.
My obsession? My diet. Not like a loose weight diet. More of a cleanse, clear, feel better, gain superpowers (with which to heal all mankind) kind of diet.

Over the past week there have been many failed attempts at this shift ranging from saying goodbye to coffee to doing a lemonade fast. All attempts put me in place of sheer despair and drained my essence like a Gelfling from the Dark Crystal.

(Note: If you have no frame of reference for the above metaphor please rent The Dark Crystal because I can think of no better analogy for the complete dilapidation of my spirit and life force caused by the cessation of caffeine and food products)

So I decided that instead of restricting my diet I would simply begin adding more healthy components. And this has worked wonders. I feel like ME again!!!!

Secret of my success?
It’s called a Green Smoothie my friends and though superpowers have not fully manifested themselves, I have no doubt that within a short time I will be X-men, Heroes, Marvel Comics material.

Simply place green leafy things in a blender, add frozen fruit and water, hit chop, pour, slurp and whabam! You are on your way to happy wellness.

A few days into this Green Extravaganza it rained for nearly 12 hours. This is unheard of during the summer months on the west end of Molokai. As my body was finally feeling better I went out into the garden to work and enjoyed the cool drops falling on my skin as if I too were a plant in need of a good watering.

Then this morning, after blending my Green Drink of All Goodness and rejoicing in my restored wellness and health, I happened to pass the Carissa plants. Wouldn’t you know it?? They are only “completely/absolutely dead” and some you could even go as far as to call just “dead.” Put the Molimo back on the shelf and peel yourself a banana kids, it’s a Molokai Miracle.
How can this be???

I have two hypotheses.
One: The Carissa plants need more water to be green just as I needed more green to be me.
Two: I now have magical powers and bringing plants back from “forever dead” status is only the beginning.

I increased the sprinkler times on my completely dead plants only as an act of precaution.
You see, I am convinced that I am magical and have the power with which to heal life forms, not only those of the leafy variety, but also those of my friends and their families and beyond. Any requests loved ones?

(Oh sweet delusions! What would I do without you?)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Letting Go, Goodbyes and Other things that are hard to do...


I don't understand.
My Carissa plants are dying.
They are getting water, they are getting sun, they have everything they need and yet... they wilt, they tilt, they brown and crumble.
"Sometimes plants just die," Boots tells me.

But why?
Surely there was something I could have done differently?
Surely I have made some grievous error that I must amend!
Or, is he right?
Maybe sometimes, things just die,
and it has nothing to do with me at all.

The other day the pool turned green.
This is a most feared experience of all caretakers..
I weeped, I cried, I shouted.
I called friends from far and wide for support
What had I done to deserve this?
Hadn't I given it everything it ever wanted and this is how it repays me?
"Sometimes it just happens and we don't know why. It's a mystery," the Captain states.

Boots jumps into his car.
His brown guitar case next to his packed bag in the back seat.
Cowboy hat sits passenger.
He's shirtless and beautiful and I can see the excitement of upcoming adventure shine through those blue eyes.
They are getting ready to fly far, far, away.
"Do you think we will ever see each other again?" he asks.
"I don't know," I say.
He drives off and I walk back down the road lying to myself about how "fine" I am. "Perfectly fine," I think.
Just wish I had some whiskey lying around in the rafters to swallow this big lump in my throat.

"Funny how love comes and goes," she says.
Staring out across the ocean I understand.
Love is the tide in the sea and we are the shore.
We are not the sculpting it. It is sculpting us.
And I feel powerless again...

Plants are going to die, pools are going to turn green, friends will leave.
And though whiskey does solve a number of problems these are not any of them.
Sometimes you have to let go, say goodbye and then get on with the shovelling, the scrubbing or the sobbing as the case may be.


In the end, despite the difficulty and pain of it all,
new plants will arrive,
the pool may mysteriously turn clear,
and I'll be glad I loved while I had the chance.

Just wish I could skip over all this hard part.