Skin-Safe

I have decided to give my body willingly to the insects.

I will no longer engage in a fruitless battle to keep them at bay.
No matter how much bug spray, they continue to feast upon my flesh.

Much of my day is spent applying lotions and potions to every exposed skin cell. First there is the lotion to soothe the dry skin, then there is the sun screen to avoid further damage, then an all over dousing of my new perfume called "OFF" to prevent bug bites, followed later by spreading Calamine lotion on those teeny bumps where the little jerks managed to find some un-deeted epidermis.

This all has led to me to a new invention.
It is called Skin-Safe.
It is going to be really big one day.
What is it you ask?
Well, it is a giant tub that is filled with a serum of lotion, sunscreen, bug spray, anti-aging crème, and Calamine relief. Each morning you simply dip yourself into this vat and it clings to your body like a paraffin wax, protecting you from all the elements the earth may throw at you.

It sounds a little crazy I know, but for me, it's either that or space suit.